WE ARE WHO WE WERE WHEN

I

I have learnt a lot of unfound things about myself, some of which remained dormant until after my break up. These traits proved to be rather refreshing. I’ve realized that It is in my unfortunate nature to be understanding. To give out second chances and to believe in the best of people. This is what I have been taught ever since growing up in Melbourne, where I was under the strict, grounded guidance of my uncle. On that note - so thankful that I spent my prime years away from Singapore. But when these second chances run out, I will never look back because you will simply be not worth any of my time, effort and energy. You know who you are. Don’t try me.

I also enjoy being alone a lot. This stems from a very young age when I decided to leave for Melbourne without my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I loved both my father and mother a lot, but even at the age of 11, I felt compelled to be in another place. And that move has, till today, been the best decision I have ever made in my life. Who says only adults make wise decisions? Sometimes I think about 21 year old me and 11 year old me and ponder upon the foolish decisions I make despite being an “adult” in comparison to prepubescent Hazel. 

I am entering a fresh chapter of my life and it’s freaking me out. Post-college depression, some call it. Having no sense of direction in life has got to be rated one of the worse feelings ever. I am glad to be finally exiting this gross stage of post-college depression. 

I absolutely cannot survive being in a country for too long. Even a short retreat to somewhere nearby would suffice - as long as I am in a different place for a bit. I don’t know how people lived before the rise of globalization. 

I am going to bed now.

Falling

It’s 2am

I have an interview tomorrow. Watched a movie with some friends. Booked flights to leave the country end of this month. Remembered how crucial it is for me to be in a different country at least for a while. Snuggled in bed. Praying.